curiousendeavor

it is just so hard to do anything. When I actually sit down to write, it doesn't come. But when I am not writing, I feel like it's the only thing that will keep me from going insane. And I am terrified. I am terrified that I am wrong. I am a fool when it comes to many things and I know I know nothing, but please don't let my plans for next year be foolish musings and empty dreams. It is all I have right now. It is all I have.

There is nothing
I find more frustrating
than the way
I anticipate
things that I know
will not happen--
these things
that I wish
you would say.

a new day sounded
with the foghorn that i can hear
only when it is dark,
echoing from the shore
across rooftops and tree tops,
through the streets
and through the glass
of my window.

it's strange really,
to think that that's all that life is.

life is a series
of sounds
and sights
and touches
and smells
and thoughts that result
and cause results
of sounds
and sights
and touches
and smells;like the time
you left
a magnolia next to my pillow
.

I have 8 minutes before I have to get ready to leave for work and I am tired of studying for Japanese. So I am going to take this time to just write whatever comes out of my little, tired head.


"There was a spot--"
"A spot, you say?"
"Yes, that's what I said, a spot. A spot on the grass where we were meant to lay, with 5,276 blades per square foot and daisies here and there, ready to lose their heads to anxious hands."
"So you sat then?"
"No, we did not sit. We looked at that spot--were too afraid to leave the path and instead talked of de-planetification."
"Ah, yes what a shame about Pluto."
"Indeed."
"So it was not done then?"
"No it never was completed."
"It was not said?"
"Not a single word, except for the 'I' part, popping up in all the wrong places like 'I do enjoy a good stroll' and 'I would like it if you would be frank'."
"I see."
"Do you?"
"Yes. I see that you are a terrified fool."
"Isn't that a bit harsh."
"Life is harsh; I am honest."

if i say
i am disinterested in the things
that i have been told matter
and that i'd much rather
spend a trillion seconds
listening to the rain
explode against
the surface of my window
than be with people
who are too predictable
for their own good.

so i'm at the gallery and finished all the things i need to do today. i finally just took a 15 minute break after being here since 11am and had a pepsi in union square, made a few calls, got some fresh air, and for a few minutes watched these two little old ladies who were both wearing the same red suits with black hats and large gold button-like earrings eating in the window of the cheesecake factory on top of macy's, looking out the window, with their two macy's bags under the table.

after i finish at 4 i'm meeting mom and dad at this eritrean restaurant on geary. then i don't know what i'm going to do tonight. after all the tickets i'm kind of too poor to go out, so maybe i'll just stay in and watch a movie or something with alisa or andy.

anyway, you should check out this artist, ted vasin, who i'm writing the press release for.

ted's page

his work is amazing and his vision even more so

http://anon.npr-mp3.speedera.net/anon.npr-mp3/atc/20050706_atc_godbird.mp3

i started this journal a few weeks ago, but didn't actually post anything as i realized i didn't know what exactly i was doing it for. i knew that the grand gubbins was over--that i didn't want to continue it now that that my year-long travel adventure has come to an end--but at the same time, i felt that i ought to keep posting. but now it's more for me than anyone else. i'm actually debating whether or not to let people know that i have this blog. basically i'm going to document the things i'm thinking about and learning in the hope that i'll be that much closer by the end of this semester to figuring out my plan post-college (which, really i need to figure out post-haste, as this is my senior year. i know, yikes!!! indeed).

though for this first entry, i'm not. i'm too tired. so instead i'm just going to post some articles that are semi-related to the things i'm thinking about today and a photo i took in barcelona that i've been wanting to post someplace. i think it's frighteningly beautiful.

today was long. it involved recovering from our party last night, going to class, and finding that i have a lot of work ahead of me if i choose to do what i ought to--if i choose to realize these ideas being born behind closed eyes.

classes started yesterday and i think i'm in for a lot of work, but life should be nothing short of interesting. which i can't complain about, though i'm wondering if i'm going to have to drop some of my jobs in order to stay sane this semester. we shall see.

my classes:
internship at Frey Norris Gallery http://www.freynorris.com
contemporary japanese culture
art and business
computers, robots, and java

http://lyrics.lyr-x.com/6068/
http://www.x-traonline.org/vol6_2/artist_collectives.html
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/08/25/DDG61KMIQH48.DTL
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/g/archive/2004/06/14/manganation.DTL
http://www.asahi.com/english/Herald-asahi/TKY200608010126.html